EPISODE 5: GREEDY FOR HEAVY METAL


02 Feb

 EPISODE 5: GREEDY FOR HEAVY METAL

…Suddenly the telephone starts ringing. FILTHY DOG checks who is calling and immediately makes his voice softer and “sweeter”. 

FILTHY DOG: Oh, hello, Mrs Sourberry. How are you? 

Mrs SOURBERRY: Hello young man, I have told you hundred times to come and get all these records! I need space for my porcelain figurines! If you don’t come this time, I WILL GET RID OF THEM RIGHT NOW! 

FILTHY DOG: Please calm down, Mrs Sourberry! I am coming right now with a friend of mine to take them. See you in 10 minutes! 

FILTHY DOG gives 2 empty boxes to VINYL MINT and grabs 2 more empty boxes for himself. He heads towards the exit door and says to VINYL MINT:

FILTHY DOG: Let’s go, VINYL MINT! The old hag of our neighborhood is out of control again! She wants to replace her records with thousands of creepy fragile dolls and she is ready to throw her records away. 

VINYL MINT: Do you think that we could find the FIRE AND STEEL LP in her collection? 

FILTHY DOG: Hahaha, not at all…I am sure that the old Goat has only records which were released in the Stone Age, that means, many many years before Heavy Metal was invented…However, I strongly believe that between the crappy German Schlager records that she has, we could find some Greek gems from the 60’s… 

VINYL MINT: How do you know that? 

FILTHY DOG: I don’t know anything…I just assume…she seems to have been born in the mid40s…so let’s say that she started collecting records at the age of 15…I suppose that she has records from those decades in her collection. As for the German Schlager records, she used to live in Germany many years ago, so… 

VINYL MINT: So what are we going to do with all these non-metal records? 

FILTHY DOG: We will sell them in order to buy HEAVY METAL records! 

VINYL MINT: That’s cool!  

Some minutes later they reached the house of Mrs Sourberry. As Mrs Sourberry opened the door and saw them, she rudely reacted saying to VINYL MINT:

Mrs SOURBERRY: I can not understand the New Generation…Read a book, girl, instead, of playing video games all the time… 

VINYL MINT could not understand what she meant so she remained focused on the vinyl records that were waiting for them on the table. 

The old Goat’s house was huge, with crystal chandeliers and priceless antiques in it. FILTHY DOG reached the table and carefully started putting the records into his boxes. VINYL MINT saw him and did the same.

Suddenly FILTHY DOG’s hands started shaking and hot sweat started running on his face. He has just grabbed the ALBA’s SHAKE 7” with both cover and record in mint condition! 

He told VINYL MINT to hurry up. He helped her close the boxes and moved fast towards the exit door… 

Mrs SOURBERRY: Where are you going young man? 

FILTHY DOG froze up and thought: “Damn! The Witch wants the ARIS-ALBA 7’’ for herself! Now she is going to tell me that she wants to keep this!” Mrs Sourberry showed the turntable to him and said:  

Mrs SOURBERRY: Please take that thing too! It doesn’t work, but in any case, I will not need it anymore… 

VINYL MINT and FILTHY DOG loaded with old records and a broken turntable as well said goodbye to Mrs Sourberry and left her house. Mrs Sourberry was very happy and satisfied because she now had some space for her porcelain dolls. FILTHY DOG was very happy and satisfied because he now had some valuable records to sell, hoping to later buy hot and rare metal stuff for him and his new extraterrestrial friend. As they reached home FILTHY DOG invited VINYL MINT to join his personal ritual, a ritual that he follows every time that he gains new records: FILTHY DOG put carefully the boxes near his desk. He took a big glass of water and put a little spoon of coffee in it without blending it. Then he pulled out a cigarette and lit up. He offered a seat to VINYL MINT next to him and chose a song of his favorite playlist. 

Now he was ready to start his survey. He examined every record by thoroughly observing the condition of each record as well as the condition of their covers and inner-sleeves and by noting their edition. Among the records he found loads of trash stuff. 

VINYL MINT randomly grabbed a 7” that found in one of her boxes and put it on the turntable.  

That moment, just when FILTHY DOG listened to that song, he chocked on his sip of coffee and almost turned blue. After a persistent cough he said to VINYL MINT:

FILTHY DOG: I can’t believe it! That’s a real treasure! We have to auction it as well as ALBA’s SHAKE! 

VINYL MINT: Auction? What’s that?

FILTHY DOG: We are going to use an Internet Platform in order to sell those gems. Many people are searching for them and are going to place bids on them in order to gain them. The person with the highest bid is going to win the auction and will finally get the items.

VINYL MINT: And why don’t we just sell these items?  Without doing that auction-thing? 

FILTHY DOG: Because of 2 reasons. The first reason is that I am addicted to the bid-process. In other words, I like to watch the battle of the bidders. Especially during the last seconds of each e-auction when the battle’s intensity among the bidders comes to its peak. The second reason is that the Earthlings are really selfish creatures. It is important for most of them to prevail everywhere. So, on their attempt to win an auction and finally “prevail”, they end up buying the items in extremely extraordinary prices!  

VINYL MINT: So we are somehow going to take advantage of the bidders’ greed. Maybe, someway, we are greedy too… 

FILTHY DOG: No, not at all…we don’t do it for money, we have a sacred aim, we do it for metal! The more money we get, the more metal records we will buy…However, if you insist on that characterization…OK then…let’s say that we are greedy for...HEAVY METAL!



 
(to be continued…)
 


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