21 Dec
Interview with BEAST WARRIOR

Welcome to the FILTHY DOGS OF METAL Webzine.
Tell us a few things about BEAST WARRIOR (Members, Starting Year etc).
Ah, but where to begin? Our origins trace back to what many here on Earth would call the Cretaceous period. Which is not to say we were BORN, though that is when we descended to this mortal plane. I suppose that, were you to get technical, our current form first emerged--soaked in placenta, seminal fluid, and low-grade alcohol--sometime around 2006. It was at that time that we found some drunken and vacuous Chicago youths we deemed adequate vessels for our majestic spirit.As to our members, well, this is a public forum! Suffice it to say that the pale, schlubby Chicago males we inhabit have adequate length and girth, even if they are something like the ... 645th most impressive members of our hosts, historically.

You have recently released your album ''Wet Nightmare''. What is the Feedback from your audience as well as from the Press?
A most cutting inquiry! Our audience--composed generally of drunken, besotted, licentious people of the Midwestern United States--have responded most enthusiastically. We have received no less than 14 images of positive pregnancy tests resulting from full exposure to the album. So, inasmuch as our aim is to propagate this planet with our seed, we are off to a satisfactory if inauspicious start!As to the press, well, sir, you tell us! A number of prominent outlets have showered us with praise thus far, offering such compliments as "Thank you for your submission to our website" and "Here are our advertising rates." Methinks this portends many blessings on the horizon!

Label or DIY and why?
We're not necessarily into labels, though I suppose "pansexual" might best describe our leanings. We prefer the self-gratification of a DIY lifestyle. We had no outside help on our journey to collect hundreds of fans across the world: WE wrote the songs, WE opened up for headliners who sold more tickets, WE drank the free beer in the green room.

Do you prefer Vinyl, Tape, CD or Digital Format and why is that?
Ah, a poignant question, and finally one we can answer easily! Digital. We will release CDs and vinyl copies of our resplendant genius, because certain mortals will only allow you to enter their ear canals in a certain way and well, any port in a storm, eh? But our ultimate goal is to establish a telepathic link by which our songs supercede even your most basic, useful thoughts. Accessing your attention via your mobile device is the closest possible option at this juncture.

Your music style is Heavy Metal. Which are your main influences (Favourite Artists / Bands etc.)
As it happens--and I hope we don't face retribution from the Supreme Council for divulging this--we are not the first of our kind to inhabit pale North American flesh for purposes of indoctrinating the populace with harmonized guitar and blasphemous lyrics. Early in the 2000s, there was a group of bearded, bevested individuals from Vancouver, Canada called 3 Inches of Blood. In many ways, they planted the seed that allowed us to gestate into our current form.

Which things, do you think, a Band should sacrifice in order to succeed?
Have you ever sacrificed anything in your life for a better future of your Band?
Well that would certainly depend on what you define as "success." And that math varies according to whatever a band seeks from their creative efforts! Financial gain and personal fulfillment are independent pursuits, my friend. For our part, we seek nothing less than the total subjugation of humanity. Accordingly, we have sacrificed just about anything we can get our hands on--cows, sheep, crops, the occasional nubile virgin. The rituals themselves are elaborate, I assure you, but the dividends paid are most satisfactory!

Describe your ideal live show as a performance Band. Have you already experienced that?
A cool autumn eve. A harvest moon. Cloaked and hooded acolytes positioned around a pentagram burned into the dying earth, uttering passages from infernal scriptures. David Lee Roth snorting cocaine off the hood of a vintage Dodge Challenger. All-you-can-drink pitchers of Coors Light. And we, the Four, backlit by the flames of the Willis Tower, swapping guitar solos with Robert Tepper and Stan Bush. ... No, we have yet to experience such things.

Which attributes, do you think, that a new Heavy Metal Band should have in order to gain identity and be unique?
Abandon the pursuit of uniqueness for uniqueness' sake! If your earthly musicians had been historically unwilling to honor their metal forebears, humanity would have something like six listenable albums, nearly all of them by Iron Maiden. Truly, the key to unlocking hearts and loins is nothing but a good riff. Find what you do well, and work to do it even better! Who cares if you sound like [insert band name]? People like [insert band name]! And for the love of Odin, tell a joke onstage.

Do you believe that Bandcamp and other Digital Platforms help the new Heavy Metal Bands? Which, do you think, is the ideal way for a Band to promote its work?
At least one of the fleshy shells that we inhabit enjoyed formative sexual experiences at band camp, so in that respect we find it a worthwhile endeavor! But, given our previous answer about our preference for digital distribution, we certainly favor your Bandcamps of the world. Promoting one's work is a laborious task in this realm! In a previous existence we simply would have assumed mass control of crowds and coerced them into doing our bidding. American laws of consent forbid such things. If we were experts in self-promotion, we would surely have more coin in our purse and more partners in our bedchambers!

Tell us a few things about the New Underground Metal Scene in Chicago, Illinois, USA (Bands, Fanzines, Webzines, Metal Clubs etc.)
Our favorite temples--where the screams of infants reverberate around the room and the ale pours cold from the draft. Many have opened themselves to us--certainly Reggie's Rock Club is our preferred site for barbaric bacchanalia, but Cobra Lounge and Beat Kitchen are not without their respective merits. This accursed respiratory plague has rendered our chapels empty, their taps dry, their halls untouched by urine and vomit.

Do you know anything about the Hellenic Metal Scene?
Precious little, I am afraid! I do believe you count Rotting Christ among your number, no? We did attend one of Dionysus' legendary orgies some great while ago. I believe it was sometime in the early 70s. By that point he was primarily listening to Ravi Shankar and drinking Carlo Rossi--not the divine vintage we were promised, I might add!

What are your future plans?
Nothing less than complete aural and financial dominion over the people of this planet. Barring that, we would also settle for being able to play shows in front of actual human beings, and perhaps even sharing an ale or two with them. In the meantime, we will plug our recording and conduct interviews such as this; beyond that, who is to say? Clairvoyant we are not, and even the most powerful seers cannot predict when things may return to normal in this Land of Confusion (shout-out Phil Collins).

Thank you very much for your time & Keep up the good work! The closure is yours.
Well thank YOU, I should say! To those of you who have read these thousands of rambling words, please buy our album, Wet Nightmare, available at https://beastwarrior.bandcamp.com/. Or, simply listen to it! Perhaps share it with your companions who find arousal in such things. If you find yourself as a person of means in this age, buy merch. Buy albums. Support the mortals who pour untold pieces of themselves into their work. Show them their efforts mean more to you than a tenth of a tenth of cent paid out by Spotify. Drink, fornicate, and be kind to each other.

By Steve the Filthy Dog.




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